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Tuesday, December 9th, 2003
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11:46 pm - Life
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WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Life is so great. I'm chillin like a villain on Mt. Saint Helen. Last Saturday was Devon and my 4th month in our relationship. It’s amazing. I've never had a girlfriend that long, nor have I ever loved a female that deeply. It’s incredible, absolutely incredible. I am so fortunate to have a girl like her. I'm working 44 hours this week. That’s also incredible, knowing that I’m standing on my feet for 8 hour doing drive-thru, having to do 3 things at once, and take crap from impatient, rude, and greasy little human beings. The only thing that keeps me from going crazy is the money, and Devon. I'm also taking 2 classes this fall, which is kick-back and nice, but next semester i am going to take like 4 or 5, while working, so it’ll be crazy. I moved in with my dad, and my new mom named Wendy. The house is quiet when you need it to be, and fun and cheery when you need to laugh. Also I have a queen sized bed, and a kick ass entertainment center. I bought Pirates of the Caribbean, and i am going to watch it over and over again. YAY! Bryce is coming back to California on the 19th. I'm so excited. We've been best friends since we were 4 1/2. I haven't seen him in almost 5 months. He's just trying to make my community college life look bad, so he went to Oklahoma Christian University ;) Anyways, I'm all good, family is all good, work is all good, and life is good. I miss a lot of people though. Lets list them: Devon, Bryce, Kate, Josh, Niles, my mom, my sisters, my dog, my other dog who was put down recently, the glint in my Grandma's eyes, all of YRUU, Jennifer Holden, Devon, MCHS, this girl named Amy (not my ex), Bryce, and this guy named Bob I found in san Francisco... Its 12:13 and I got to go take a shower. Goodnight, Good Day and Good Morning!
current mood:  sleepy
current music: Hey Ya - Outcast
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| Tuesday, September 16th, 2003
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10:38 pm - YAY!
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My car is back, and i have the keys in my hand. I'm really happy, not only because i have the car back, but i've perfected my driving of it, and i have read the manuel from cover to cover. Its really cool that i have my car back. Now i have that much off my back. Stress level is going down.
I miss Kate. She is one of a kind, and I really miss her. I enjoy reading her posts, because they are entertaining. I also miss Devon, I always miss Devon. I love her with all my heart. I get to see her this weekend, and she gets to see my purple car. I've been playing magic with her lately. Its fun. I find it quite entertaining especially when her deck is White (life) and Green (nature) which is unintentionally a Unitarian Universalist deck. It would be really cool, if i could have everyone of my good to close friends come over and have a sleep over, with movies, and games, and fun. That would be the life. Oh yeah, I love smiling at strangers, and getting a smile back, its fun. I love you all,
Matt
current mood:  calm
current music: I will crumble
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| Friday, September 12th, 2003
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12:02 pm - Car and things.
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I had a bad day today... I drove my new car to school, and i burned the clutch out. YAY! It was on the brink of burning out already so it wasnt completely my fault. i only had the car 10 hours. So i missed class, my dad had to pick me up, and as I waited for him for 2 hours, I read a book and cryed on the side of the road, because of guilt. Stress is really exhausting, i have body cramps all over, im hungry, and im tired. It will cost about $900 to fix. I can handle it. It wasn't all bad though. I had a really cool talk with my dad. He told me how proud he was of who i was becoming, and we bonded somemore. Also Devon is coming to pick me up in a few minutes, so my day is turning out to be wonderful. I get to go to her house and shnuggle, and be happy. YAY! It's one of those things i'll laugh about a couple years from now, "remember when i was 18 and i broke my car one day after i bought it... HAHAHAHA!!" Oh yeah if you didn't figure it out already, I GOT A NEW CAR!! Its a Saturn! And its PURPLE!! and its broken!! HAHAHA! anyways, just thought i'd tell y'all about my day. Lots o love
MATT
current mood: tired
current music: "where is the love"
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| Wednesday, September 3rd, 2003
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10:33 pm - So it Begins...
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Wow, its so great to see friendly faces. I'm really enjoying school. I'm so happy these days. I cant believe looking back at how unhappy i was. So many wonderful things have sprouted my way, my dad is happy, my mom is happy, the house doesn't seem so dark anymore, I am in love with the most wonderful woman in the world named Devon Nelson (who is the highlight of my happiness), i have a job, im so close to being totally independent, i have so much motivation (never been there before). I love myself, which is a great thing. I love the people around me, my friends, family, and Devon. I miss alot of people though; Bryce, Kate, Mrs. Naglee, Camp, etc. But that doesn't discourage me. I'm just so full of life, its wonderful. I was actually happy that i was stung by a wasp the other day, because I've never had the experience of being stung by a wasp. I felt a connection with the wasp, it was protecting its kin. I'm happy that my mom isnt home right now, because she is out with a guy named Bill Landers. One night Devon was over, and Bill decided to stay the night. I was in no way angry or disappointed in my mom. I was happy, I was jumping around with glee. My mom is getting over my dad, and that is great, and in the process has met a man that likes her for who she is. The world really would be a better place if everyone was in-love. I bid you all a goodnight, or morning, or afternoon when ever this is read. I love you all. And sorry for the gap between posts.
Matt
current mood:  loved
current music: The Luckiest
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| Friday, April 25th, 2003
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9:01 am - Social Disorder
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8:24 am - midnight weeping
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Lifes made up of walls and crevices, and only this could be that dark and demented hole filled with evil spiders, and blood sucking bats that all existence is sucked in. As i sit at the sidewalk of summit view, and mellow, everything runs through my head. I see the midnight sky above me, and hear the shallow cries of the night. A mesquito trying to find that chunk of skin to pierce into, buzzing around my face. I have a burning death stick in my right hand, breathing its toxins, using its relaxation. Nothing i can do to fix these miserable times, and all i can do is listen to the tapes in my head over and over and over again. But i know all i have to do is keep breathing, so i get up, walk home, and just hope that i do not go insane.
current mood: drained
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| Wednesday, March 5th, 2003
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8:57 am - Youth Group
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My youth group will be performing a sermon this Sunday. Its going to be excellent. I am reciting a couple of songs on the piano, and playing a duet with my friend Ryan and her flute. We will play "Marche Slave" by Tchaikovsky. There will be 4 of us actually speaking; first Rachael, then me, then Byran (i think), and last but not least Sam. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. Its going to be in front of all these Unitarians where we have to be so politically correct. This is going to be hard since we are adding a lot of humor to the sermon: an Oprah talk show, with 7 different religious beliefs (again i think). But it'll be grand whatever the outcome.
current mood:  anxious
current music: Marche Slave
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| Thursday, February 13th, 2003
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8:51 am
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Life comes with many toils. Always forgive, for you never know when your loved ones will exist away from this earth. Show compassion, and Live life to the fullest. Fall in love with everyone, for that is the only way to change the world. You all are special and have a purpose in this world.
current mood: anxious
current music: Moon Shadow
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| Wednesday, February 12th, 2003
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8:49 am
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I am going to get my license very soon. I'm making an appointment today. and hopefully when i fix the last of my car, i won't find anything else wrong with it, which is what has happened alot. YEAY, Winter Session is almost over. Then I'm FREEEEE! for 4 days. Then its back to the coal mine. I need to get a new LJ picture, I dyed my hair and these pictures are getting old.
current mood:  artistic
current music: Deep Forest
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| Wednesday, February 5th, 2003
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8:27 am
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I had a dream last night that Sam and I walked around in the mountains. We talked and were Jolly. We talked about how the web of life is interwoven with so many extraordinary events, and that we have been through so much. I'm glad to have Sam as my best friend, and nothing more. I also had a dream of eating, until I exploded, don't know what that means but it means something. So life is like a box of chocolate; its really tasty. I love you all, Matt
current mood:  cold
current music: Moby
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| Monday, February 3rd, 2003
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8:31 am - Depression Vs. Love
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From like 4 days ago till yesterday I felt so miserable. So disapointed in what life has given me. But today and last night i felt alot better. I think its the anti-depressants. I've been really confused. I called Josh and he made me feel alot better. I've been blind in my relationship with life. I know what i want now and i'm going to go get it. I sort of have been shot out of a life cannon. I'm going to go live now. I love you all so much. Your friend, Matt
current mood:  awake
current music: Yesterday
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| Tuesday, January 28th, 2003
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8:31 am - Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired
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I love life, I sometimes wish it wasn't so short, I could do so much more. I could save all the dwarfs, I could swim the pacific ocean, climb Mt. Everest, Visit the moon, Win a pie eating contest, build the tallest toothpick monument, and even hug 1,000,000 people. Yes that would be the life. Go to school only 5 percent of my life instead of 25 percent. I'm sick of the whole cigarette issue. I sometimes wish i never tried them, no that would be too tempting, i wish there was no such thing. Or no need to start. They should be damned to the bloody hell where they can spend perpetual agony for all eternity. Their children's children's children's Children should have their butts ripped off. NO MORE BLOODY CORPORATION. I don't know why i'm freaking out, but it sickens me. I need to go surfing, walk on the beach, listen to the waves crash against the sand; engulf my feet into the cold mystic depths of the ocean.... SOON! Need to do more interpretive dancing with Sam.
current mood:  frustrated
current music: Moon Shadow Cat Stevens
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| Monday, January 27th, 2003
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9:08 am - Hey everyone
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I went to the Dance with Sam on Friday, It was excellent, We were rocking out to Hip Hop and such.. Sam had the DJ down stairs play 70's music. It was awesome. We sang Karaoke; Your song, and I got you babe, with a group of people. I went to Youth Group last night, It was like a meeting to figure out what we will do for one of the churches sermons. Sam printed out this really cool skit about Oprah and the 6 religious aspects, like Agnostic, the Old Testament God, Satan, Atheist, New Age, and Humanist. Oprah gets questions out of the audience, and the aspects respond with hilarious but so true statements, like agnostic would say, "I don't know" and the Atheist would say, "I don't exist quit talk to me" Satan would say, "you are all going to hell". I can't wait till we can perform it. We will also talk about our spiritual Journeys. I seriously need to fix my car and test for my license.
current mood: peaceful
current music: She's a Brick.....HOUSE!
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| Wednesday, January 22nd, 2003
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8:35 am - Hair
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I dyed my hair dark chocolate last friday. It was fun. Jennifer did it, it wasn't my fault. lol. The dance is on friday and i'm excited, gotta get my freak on. lol. Mid term is today and news spreads like wild flowers into the sea of sunflowers. its hard for everybody to understand. but thats not the point, the point is that I'm going to the dance soon, i haven't been to one since i was in eighth grade where i hung out with people i wasn't myself with. This time i'll have Sam to go with, Ah wonderful Sam, don't know where i would be without her. Well take care everyone.
Love,
Matt
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| Sunday, January 19th, 2003
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12:01 am - Packed day
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My day refused to be dull. I had a very interesting one. I got up with the yelling of my sister, "Matt! get mom and dad coffee!" so i rolled out of bed and slugged down the stairs poured the coffee then crawled back in bed. I got up at 9 fixed my hair as humanly possible. Drank 3 glasses of protein shakes (I just felt i had to do it). And it is really wierd, its as if i had a psycic subconscious craving for those 3 protien shakes. I went to school, via Bus 19. I could see people staring at my hair (I was bored after Sign language class the day before and decided to start twirling my hair, only 30 strands at a time, folding it on its self and feeling it twist on itself, then after my whole head was finished i undid all the folds and my hair looked like madusa's). On the bus i was talking to Mike, a good friend of mine who just so happens to be gay, and i told him about Kevin Mann and he said hes friends with him and his ex. So i got off the bus and when we got to the office Mike was kicked out of the program, im devistated.
Well it turns out that i had 12 absenses and 5 puts you on probation. I was angry because i know i was only absent at the max 5 times. 2 probations equals getting kicked out of the program, and i did pretty bad in Mrs. Plesko's class, just one D and i would have yet another probation. So i ask secretary to check the records of my absenses and it turns out that i was only absent 5 times. But 5 still put me on probation, so I asked mrs. Plesko what grade she gave me, and she told me a C+. I was so HAPPY and GIDDY. I was jumping around. Josh had no room in his car so he couldn't drive me home and i was very happy with 3 glasses of protein shakes in me, i just rode my skooter all the way home. By the time i was a mile away from my house i felt like i was on marijuana or something, i was seeing things, ah it was great. I fell asleep for 4 hours when i got home. Then i watched Austin Powers: Gold Member. Great day. tomarrow im going to get up early and hike the mountain right next to my house, after drinking 3 protein shakes.
I love you all,
Matt
current mood: ecstatic
current music: Hmm some kind of disco, "She's a brick.... HOUSE!"
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| Wednesday, January 15th, 2003
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8:33 am
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Okay, Saturday, my parents friend threw up had the 24 hour flu, then Sunday, my dad got it, then Monday my mom and i got it. So watch out, wash your hands, take vitamin C and Zinc. It is terrible, its fast but horrible. So anyways. I was thinking that Andrew Tolson should come over my house on Friday, i haven't seen or talked to him in so long. I could do like last Friday but maybe less and more organized. Less in the way of the movie being so run by dictatorship, and more as what we will do. I don't know. I liked last friday, it was fun. but josh didn't stay. Oh well, we will have to do it again. OH yeah after Farrah showed me that song, sonata pathetique I've had an obsession with it, so now I am going to learn it.
current mood:  contemplative
current music: Sonata Pathetique 1st movement
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| Monday, January 6th, 2003
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2:10 pm - Back to school
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Hey everybody, how are you?
I've had a really fun break, got a CD player, clothes, got to hang out with Bryce. He spent the night 3 nights in a row, we played heroes almost the whole time, thans to Josh. I miss you Josh. Haven't talked to you in a while. I miss Niles too. I did a really dumb thing today. I missed my winter class at the riverside campus. I read my spring schedule instead of my winter and it just so happens that the class was in the same classroom but 2 hours earlier, so I had to take the bus all the way to my moms work (UCR) and im here now. So i just e-mailed him a second ago. I took my meds today, haven't took them since the beginning of winter break, so im all perky. I had all this energy to go to class, i actually wanted to, not that i hate school but i was getting tired of fall. But anyways, yeah... sam went to her dads house on christmas eve, and i didn't see her till last saterday, she made me 2 shirts for christmas. Both are black, one of them has the Darwin fish and the Jesus fish holding hands and under it is reads, CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG! ... great shirt. And the other one has that Gandhi poem i put on livejournal. she also got me a hemp necklace. AND... she... asked me to winter formal dance, i said yes. I feel like i've been asked to the dance by the most awesome girl in school, pretty cool. but uh yeah. I need to see Josh again, I don't have any classes in the moreno valley campus. well i have a bunch more stuff to talk about but my mom's got to get back to work, so bye.
Matt
current mood:  giddy
current music: Sonata Pathetique 1st movement
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| Tuesday, December 17th, 2002
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6:39 am - Amanda
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Last night i was IMed by Amanda (an old camp girlfriend of mine). Last winter camp i had a thing for Amanda. We got reallly close, inseparable, made-out and everything. But then camp ended, then i started liking Sam, and amanda had a boyfriend, and it was all jacked up, so we never really went out. But last night she IMed me, and started talking about how it could have been, and i sort of wanted to go out with her. She lives in San Diego and im really bad with long distance relationships in an intimate way, kate should know. But the IM was really sweet, then she wanted my phone number and she called me and we talked for 15 minutes until i had to leave sam's house. I just want to see her and kiss her, and all that shit again. I've been in this mode for the last 3 months, having no sexual relationship with a female (in the social sense)... except for Sam but she doesn't count. thats a whole different ball game. But anyways, we talked about her coming over my house for a week and us catching up on things; a lot of flirting, and my heart was like, "YA MAN... WOOHOO". But she seems like the type of person who is a bad girl, who would be smoking pot everyday, drinking to get drunk, losing her virginity, doesn't dance "white" if i can be stereotypical, basically alittle intimidating. Also she will be turning 19 in February, so shes a year and a half older than me. I think i don't want to get into a relationship because i don't want to get hurt, or the whole commitment thing. But now she knows my number and Sam's number and she says she will call me all the time now. I really like Amanda, there is definately an attraction thing there, intrinsic and extrinsic, and we have a bond of friendship that will probably last forever, we are very honest with each other, its just that i'm scared to make a commitment to her... well to start anything, because once i do, i can't turn back, the only way is to break up, and thats what i've done in the past:( Im just really confused :(
I love you all,
Matt
current mood:  confused
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, December 5th, 2002
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1:11 pm
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The things that will destroy us are:
politics without principle;
pleasure without conscience;
wealth without work;
knowledge without character;
business without morality;
science without humanity,
and worship without sacrifice.
- Mahatma Gandhi
I love you all,
Matt
current mood: tired
current music: Feliz Navidad
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(comment on this)
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1:11 pm
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The things that will destroy us are:
politics without principle;
pleasure without conscience;
wealth without work;
knowledge without character;
business without morality;
science without humanity,
and worship without sacrifice.
- Mahatma Gandhi
I love you all,
Matt
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